Your Inherent Value

Self-image shapes self-esteem because how you perceive yourself directly influences how you value yourself. When you hold a negative or distorted self-image, your self-esteem diminishes, making it harder to feel worthy or confident. This can feed into cycles of doubt and insecurity, which then affect how you relate to others, especially in romantic or idealized attachments. When self-esteem is low, it’s easier to fall into limerence—an intense infatuation or obsessive longing for someone—because you may look to that person to fill gaps in your sense of worth. Limerence often comes from unmet emotional needs, the desire for validation, or past experiences of rejection. It taps into that longing to be truly seen, loved, and accepted, especially when you doubt your own self-worth.

Adults put up with limerence because it often feels like a consuming force—both exhilarating and painful. It can be hard to step away from the hope that this overwhelming attachment will bring fulfillment or healing, even when it is unhealthy or unreciprocated. Processing limerence involves recognizing it for what it is—a projection of needs and desires onto someone else, rather than a genuine connection. It’s about reclaiming the energy you’ve invested in the other person and turning it inward to rebuild your self-esteem. When processed successfully, you can look forward to a clearer sense of self, free from the grasp of obsession or neediness. This opens space for healthier relationships, ones built on mutual respect, understanding, and authentic love rather than a desperate chase for validation.